Sleep associations are more often than not heard talked about in a negative manner, for example in the context of "you shouldn't feed your baby to sleep" or "you're creating a rod for your own back by rocking your baby to sleep"...This isn't true.

So, what is a sleep association and how do they come about? Well, when you repeat an action or behaviour over and over, you strengthen neural connections in your brain. You create predictability. I like the following illustration: if falling asleep is neuron A in your brain, and being fed (from breast or bottle) is neuron B and, every time your baby is tired, they get fed until they fall asleep, these 2 experiences (falling asleep and being fed, A and B) create a path between each other...With every repetition of these 2 processes in sequence, that path is walked down, being made stronger and clearer. A and B, while beginning as entirely separate locations, now have an obvious path between them so that, on experiencing feeding before a sleep, your little one can more easily follow along the path to sleep. 

We all have these types of associations: things we need to do in order to fall asleep, to keep with the example. For me, it's reading. Reading is my way of unwinding and I am practically incapable of simply getting into bed, lying down and closing my eyes to fall asleep. I know this, because sometimes I am in a position where I feel unable to read - for example, when having to share a room with someone and not wanting to disturb them by having the light on. In these instances, it takes me much longer to fall asleep and I've spent hours and hours on some nights, lying awake simply because I haven't read and so my brain can't enter sleep mode. I'm trying to add more to my sleep toolbox so that I don't rely solely on reading but it's a process!

Your babies are no different. Most will need a little help settling into sleep - because sleep is a scary unexplained separation from the people they trust the most (YOU!) and so you provide that help. You hold them, or rock them, you feed them or sing to them. Perhaps you pat their little bottom or 'shhh' gently once you've laid them down. There is nothing wrong with doing any of these things - until it becomes unenjoyable, impractical or unsustainable for either of you!

You can help prepare for such inevitabilities by habit stacking - using multiple sensory inputs to settle your little one to sleep so that there isn't just one path to the destination of dreamland. Then, when one gets too much, you can gradually reduce that particular support until you fade it out completely.

What's more, babies are super smart. Lots of parents worry, for example, when a new carer enters the scene - a nursery perhaps or a nanny, or even (dare I say it) their partner. They worry that their baby has only ever fallen asleep to the associations the 2 of them have made and they won't be able to fall asleep without them! But, as I say, babies are smart. They can learn to make new associations in different contexts and with different people. 

While breastfeeding to sleep may be a sure-fire way for you to get your little one to snooze, I can't do that and neither can their dad, or the nursery staff. So, we help baby strengthen their pathways and associations between sleep and support we can provide. I've settled many a breastfed-to-sleep baby simply with combinations of babywearing, bum-patting, eyebrow-stroking and gentle shushing. 

So, next time someone tells you you've made a rod for your own back or they'll never sleep if you always help them, know that that's not true. For now, you've found an amazing way to help them to drift off to sleep. And now, you can understand how you did that and, in what ways, you can change the support that you give, whenever you may need or want to.