"Is he a good baby?" asks the lady at the till? Well...Aunt Suzie came around the other day and the baby was quietly asleep, because he'd just fed and had a nappy change and was having a very content day and she said 'he's such a good baby!' so...yes, I guess he is.

Want to know something?

Babies are not only good when they're quiet. We've moved past the days of children being seen and not heard. Your baby is just as 'good' when they're uncomfortable, crying because they've got trapped wind, or calling for you at 3am to alert you that their tiny tummy needs refilling again, as they are when they're snoozing quietly at 3pm in the afternoon. 

Calling babies 'good' when they're quiet or sleeping for longer stretches simply implies that the opposite is bad...When, in fact, the opposite is, oftentimes, normal. The baby making noises to signal a need is communicating in the only way they have access to. The baby waking in the middle of the night is doing what they have adapted to do - feeding little and often and sleeping lightly to keep them safe from danger and close to you, their safe space. 

The baby who perhaps wakes more than your friends or cries more, is never doing so out of spite or some determination to cause frustration. Perhaps some things need exploring to identify the source of any discomfort they may be experiencing, causing them to cry out more and wake even more frequently. On the other hand, perhaps they are just mid growth spurt or their sleep is maturing so, while at this moment sleep is a bit up in the air, and feeding seems to be constant, it will pass. In neither of these scenarios is your baby any more 'good' than the other. The baby with colic, reflux, a tongue-tie, struggling to latch on at the breast and popping on and off like a yo-yo...all good babies. The baby who doesn't like to be put down, needs feeding to sleep and sleeps best in contact with you....is a good baby. As is the one who falls asleep anywhere and anytime, in amongst the chaos.

So, next time someone asks if your baby is good, and you have the energy or desire to even bother responding, you could say something on the lines of: "yes thank you, my baby is very good. He feeds often, day and night, so he can keep growing and is great at communicating with me when he needs me."