Hearing your baby cry and knowing how to handle it can be one of the toughest challenges in those early newborn days and many parents say they can’t bear the tears…understandably. It’s hard when anyone cries! 

Crying is a big part of your baby’s communication so the question is: what are they saying?...well, the summary is “I need you”. It’s the specifics of why that varies.

Here’s a checklist to consider (and yes, I’m probably missing some so use this more as a springboard to translate baby’s distress):

• “I’m really, really tired and I tried showing you before (we'll talk about those later) but perhaps I wasn’t clear enough”

• "I’m really, really hungry and I don’t think you noticed my earlier signals (again, I’ll let you in on that secret in a later blog)”

• “I’ve got a pretty immature digestive system compared to you so my tummy hurts”

• “I need to burp/fart but I’m struggling”

• “I’m overwhelmed”

• “I’m bored”

• “I’m learning to do this really cool new thing but am still working on it so sometimes get frustrated”

• “I have some hair (probably yours mum) trapped around my finger/toe (yes that’s a thing)”

•  “I want to be held because this place – the world - isn’t cosy and warm like the womb one I was in before!”

• “The labels in my clothes are annoying me and I can’t move them”

•  “My nappy needs changing”

•  “I’m too cold/hot but I can’t change my outfit or environment alone!”

•  “I’m not feeling well – maybe check my temperature or for other signs”  

Remember, just like adults, babies are born with a range of temperaments. Some may be able to withstand physical discomfort, like a wet nappy, for longer whereas others may start to tell you they’re uncomfortable as soon as their environment changes even in the slightest. Some may have more patience between poking their tongue out to communicate hunger and deciding they need to start shouting to get your attention.

Some very clever behaviour specialists have actually examined the cries babies make and the similarities between them and found certain features of different cries and what they mean! But, over time and through familiarity, you may also start to decode your own babies cries, suddenly finding yourself listening to your baby and going “ah, it sounds like you need a nappy change! Let’s sort that out for you!” or “ah, you’re fancying something to eat. Time for a feed.”

Since crying is your baby communicating, and words are not going to come for a little while, perhaps look at learning some baby signs so that your baby has non-verbal ways of conveying their needs a little bit down the road. 

For now, know that your baby crying is not because you’re doing anything wrong. As long as you are responsive to babies cries for help, even if they take a few wrong turns before you get the answer right, they will know they are being cared for and loved. And, if the crying is feeling too much, know you are allowed to put your baby somewhere safe, or hand them to someone you trust, and step away to take some deep breaths, make yourself a cup of tea and remind yourself you’re doing a great job!

If the crying is persistent and you’re frequently struggling to find the answer, and you’re worried the baby is in pain or something doesn’t feel right, contact your healthcare team: whether that’s your GP, Health Visitor team or Midwife.